See if you can guess which two headlines below are actual media headlines, not intended as parody:
Trump's America First Strategy So Stealthy No One Can Distinguish It from the Israel and Saudi Arabia First Strategies
Elizabeth Holmes Says She Can Now Detect Gullible Investors from a Single Drop of Blood
Decorated, Shell Shocked World War II Veteran Remembered As Coward After Fleeing with Gun Wound from His Final Battle by Individuals Too Craven to Oppose Multiculturalism
Local Middle Class Man Brags to Friends That He Has a House Cleaner, Declares That He Too Would Rather Be Murdered in His Bed Than Make It
Study: Spending $500,000 on Booze and Hookers Now Does Less Social Damage Than Donating $500,000 to Crooked Contemporary Charities
Local Man Doesn't Remember Trump Scandal He Thought Was Most Important Event in the World 89 Days Ago
Max Boot Determined to Prove Alleged Einstein Quote Right About Human Stupidity Being Infinite
Local Muslims Concerned Local Progressives Are Out Competing Them for Terrorism Funding
Woman with Hepatitis C Infection from Tattoo and HIV Infection from Vibrant Neighbor Calls Old Men Disgusting Perverts
In Vitro Quintuplets Argue About Who Was the Planned One
Feminist Fights for Right of Saudi "Kill the Infidels, Adulterers, Blasphemers, and Apostates" Women to Drive
Migrant Proud He Lowered Median Per Capita Incomes on Both Sides of the Border
Local Woman Concerned Neighborhood Girls Becoming "Too Slutty," Making It Harder for Her Slutty Daughter to Compete
Biologist in Bad Marriage Admits to Fear of Talking About Mantidae Sexual Cannibalism with Wife
Philosopher Stunned to Learn He Was Fooled by Clickbait Headlines 58 Times in a Row
Heads Explode as White Village Declares Itself a Tenth Amendment Sanctuary City
Curbing Hate Speech Isn’t Censorship – It’s the Law
Fearing Assaults, Feminist Admits She Tells Only White Men to Stop Manspreading
University of California Guide: Saying “I’m Not Racist” Is Racist
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